Three Diagnostic Questions

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ~Ephesians 4:29

This week we’re going take a break from our study of Christianese to address an all-too-common issue in the Church: unguarded speech. You may be surprised that the Bible addresses our speech over one hundred twenty times! Clearly, God cares that we guard our speech — such dangerous weapons are our tongues (James 3:5-6). So how can we safeguard ourselves and others from harmful use of our mouths?  I’d like to propose three diagnostic questions.

Little is known about Mary Ann Pietzker, but in 1872 she wrote a children’s poem aimed at helping young people discern if their speech was God-honoring and others-edifying. Her poem is entitled “Is it True? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?”

Oh! stay, dear child, one moment stay,
Before a word you speak,
That can do harm in any way
To the poor, or to the weak;
And never say of any one
What you'd not have said of you,
‘Ere you ask yourself the question,
"Is the accusation true?”
And if 'tis true, for I suppose
You would not tell a lie;
Before the failings you expose
Of friend or enemy:
Yet even then be careful, very;
Pause, and your words well weigh,
And ask if it be necessary,
What you're about to say.
And should it necessary be,
At least you deem it so,
Yet speak not unadvisedly
Of friend or even foe,
Till in your secret soul you seek
For some excuse to find;
And ‘ere the thoughtless word you speak,
Ask yourself, "Is it kind?"
When you have ask'd these questions three—
True, Necessary, Kind,
Ask'd them in all sincerity,
I think that you will find,
It is no hardship to obey
The command of our Blessed Lord, —
No ill of any man to say;
No not a single word

It might be helpful to modify the questions she asks just a bit. Let’s rather ask: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it edifying? The King James Version translates “building up” in Ephesians 4:29 as “edifying,” and if it was good enough for the Apostle Paul, it’s certainly good enough for us!

Have you ever had information you were dying to share? Or information you were dying to know? Before you speak or listen, you ought to ask the question: Is it true? The Bible has criteria for evaluating the veracity of information. In the Old Testament we read that only on the basis of two or three witnesses may something be accepted as true (Deuteronomy 19:15; cf. Matthew 18:16). This is to protect people from the insidious effects of hearsay and rumor. The fact God requires two or three witnesses shows us we can’t take lightly the requirement to ensure a story is factual. So, before we open our mouths in speech or our ears in reception, we need to ask: Is this thing true? If the answer is no, or if the answer is uncertain, we mustn’t repeat the information or receive it as true lest we start a forest fire with our tongues.

Let’s say we’ve established that a bit of information is true. Now we need to ask: Is this necessary? Will this information enable me to better glorify God and love my neighbor? Will my communication of this information — true as it may be — enable my neighbor to love God and others better? Before we open our mouths, we need to be confident the information is necessary to have or share. “Necessary” might seem like a subjective word, and perhaps there’s more subjectivity to this question than the first. However, if we replace the word “necessary” with the word “needful,” I think we can help eliminate some of the subjectivity. Do I need this information? Do they need it? This is where real heart examination comes into play. Need is not the same as want or desire. Need is not synonymous with curiosity or interest. Need is meant to convey that I cannot love God or neighbor as well without this information. My friend, with whom I plan to share this information, cannot love God or neighbor as well without it. Is it necessary? If so, proceed with caution. If not, stop.

Lastly, we come to our third diagnostic question: Is it edifying? The word “edify” means to build up (“only such as is good for building up” —Ephesians 4:29). We want the words we speak and the words to which we pay attention to be words of life. Words that give grace to the hearer (Ephesians 4:29). Words that draw our attention to Christ rather than words that feed our vain curiosities or magnify others’ sins or struggles. Is it edifying? If not, you may want to consider why you still feel the urge to share it or know it.

So, back to our tidbit of information. Is it true? Check. Is it necessary? Possibly. Is it edifying? Only if it builds a brother or sister up. Asking these diagnostic questions will help us speak in ways that bless and build up, and will enable us and others to better glorify God in our daily Christian walk. May the Lord help us guard our mouths from corrupting talk, so that we can maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace within the church (Ephesians 4:3).

Rev. Kyle Lockhart, Pastor of Teaching & Spiritual Formation